A Loss In The Family

It has come to my attention that word has spread that my father died recently.

Yes, James Max Spann, my father, died on Saturday December 3.

In reality, he died long ago.

He made the decision to walk away from me and my mom when I was a young child, so I really haven't known him for 40 years or so. When I got the call about his death, I was in Target with my 8 year old. I really didn't know what to think or feel. It was very strange.

That night, I drove to Clay county to speak to the Christmas dinner at Wellborn Cabinet. It was great being with a big group of believers that night, and the trip gave me the chance to reflect on his death.

Nobody on my dad's side of the family seemed interested in a funeral; seems like he chose to remove himself from the entire family. Instead of family life, he chose a life of booze and debauchery. Not once did he visit me after he left.

I did have the opportunity to speak with him about 12 years ago after I tracked him down. I wanted him to know he had no problem with me; I had forgiven him. God has forgiven me for all of my sins; I have no right to withhold forgiveness from him. That visit did not lead to any relationship; he was drunk during our conversation. I might have well been speaking to a brick wall.

I was hoping to share my faith with Max that day, but he did not have a sound mind.

I watch the end of the movie "Field of Dreams" and cry everytime. If only I could "have a catch" with my dad one more time.

He was creamated with no fanfare on Monday.

I understand he was a very good lumber broker; I have fond memories of visiting his office at W.T. Smith Lumber Company in Chapman, south of Greenville, where I grew up as a young child. I do remember Max taking me fishing on a number of occasions, and to the circus in Montgomery. I am thankful for that.

The death of my father also opened the door for many conversations with long lost relatives on his side of the family in recent days. I have many wonderful cousins, aunts, and uncles on the "Spann" side. People of integrity that have lived wonderful lives. I am sorry I have been so out of touch with them. Some of my most fond memories are playing with my cousins at Granny Spann's home in Chapman, which used to be a "company town" pretty much controlled by W.T. Smith Lumber and the McGowin family. The Chapman of my memories is long gone; it is now a sprawling complex owned by International Paper just of U.S. 31. I do want to go back on their grounds and look for signs of my childhood one day. I was raised in Butler county; it is a big part of who I am.

Anyone remember the old locomotive that sat on U.S. 31 at the turnoff to Chapman? I understand it is over at Troy State now.

I recently read the book "All Over But The Shoutin" by Rick Bragg. Rick is one of the first people I have met that really understands rural Alabama culture. Rick had serious issues with his dad, and he writes about it in the book. I know how he feels, I reckon.

I am thankful for a wonderful mother who made incredible sacrifices to raise me. We were only a family of two, but a great family.

I am not angry at my father, but I cannot honestly say I feel real sorrow in his death. He is a stranger to me. It didn't have to be that way, but it gives great motivation for James Max Spann Jr. to be a better father in the years to come....